


Wild Is the Wind

by Mother_North



Series: Spectrum: Lighter shade [5]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Emotional, Experimental Style, Feelings, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, POV First Person, POV Javier, Psychology, Romance, Some angst, Songfic, yuzuvier - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 11:19:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15662202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_North/pseuds/Mother_North
Summary: A songfic inspired by Nina Simone’s hauntingly beautiful rendition of the timeless song “Wild is the wind”.





	Wild Is the Wind

**Author's Note:**

> I heard Nina Simone singing the song “Wild is the wind” and realized that I was…lost. The song lyrics are in italics. The fic is written in quite an experimental manner (for me, at least): being, kind of, close to a stream of consciousness stylistically and with an unchronological type of narration.  
> Usual RPF disclaimer applies to this work of fiction in full and it is not meant to offend anyone. There is absolutely no correlation with the real life, whatsoever. It is a product of my imagination only.

**

_Love me, love me, love me, love me_   
_Say you do_

But you don’t. Raindrops are beating down from above — soaking our clothes, moist skin on skin but it’s never close enough. _Not even close._ I watch your dewy eyelashes quiver and there is a pearly drop sliding down your chin and to your swan-like neck; its route I would never be able to replicate with my eager lips. I am executed by the guilt of things that are done only in my fervid dreams. You tolerate my glances and I am happy I can _look_ , happy I can _stare_ , happy I can _devour_ , without the need to pay a thing in return. Yet I have my smiles for you always ready and the touches of my undecidedly hovering fingers, separated by mere millimeters from your alluring skin. My fingertips lower and freeze for a couple of seconds, far longer than needed, to just be burned and sneakily retreated.

To be loved is to be scorched —to the ground, to ashes.

You are clapping your eyes on me sweetly:

“Need to go already, Javi…Bye.”

The heavy rain does not extinguish a raging fire in my chest.

   
_Let me fly away_  
 _With you_  
 _For my love is like_  
 _The wind_

Watching you makes me think of birds and their wings, of weightless flight _over_ the ice. The quiet scrape of black blades, with tiny engraved wings, is telling the story conceived in your soul; you are pouring your very essence through each graceful movement — the glide, the flow and the desire to dissolve in the intricacy of _shakuhachi_ flute and wild beats of thundering drums. They say you are _onmyoji_ but I only keep on seeing a headstrong dark-haired boy. You reach unfathomable heights and I sometimes find myself at your side; at the altar of your wildest dreams I am silently watching you struggle, with your head held up high, through the darkest of hours, towards the horizonless skies.

You say: “There is no such night that lasts forever.”

And I believe you… I believe _in_ you, for you are like the wind.

 

_And wild is the wind_   
_Wild is the wind_

No wonder I get carried away so often by the _first_ gust: a feathery touch of your tapered fingers, an unconscious little tilt of your head or a hidden sparkle of unrestrained mirth at the bottom of your enticing eyes.

You are wild and I am wild about you.

 

_Give me more_   
_Than one caress_   
_Satisfy this_   
_Hungriness_

You are laughing boyishly — all silvery-bells and cute dimples, your eyes crinkling. My hands are around your waist, breath ghosting audaciously over your exposed skin and I am praying to see it break into a string of goosebumps. I inhale your faint smell and count to ten; I exhale and wait for your hand to shove me away but you let me stay. There are moments when I can _feel_ you in my tight embrace, your soft hair against my chin, a sense of warmth blooming somewhere within. I am holding your delicate frame next to mine to let you hear my breathless, frantic whisper:

“You are always a champion in my heart.”

Your tear-stricken face lights up for a precious instant — a glimpse of sunray to justify my existence.

I am smiling in return — _the best_ _one_ of my wistful smiles and let the bone-gnawing need slowly die beneath the calculated veneer of my carefree friendliness, for I hardly have a right to scar you with my insatiable hungriness.               

_Let the wind_   
_Blow through your heart_   
_For wild is the wind_   
_Wild is the wind_

Incheon Airport. Exhausting flight and tiring smiles; I see your pale face illuminated by numerous flashes of cameras, running people swarming around, seeking to tear you away — a piece of your glory, a bit of your significance. It is easy to dwell in your shadow, which is paradoxically light. The expanse of ice is a battlefield for clashing egos, meant to seal destinies; the roar of the crowd and an uplifting sense of fulfillment, yellow plushiness on pristine white…The torch has been lit, its brilliance is outshined by your bold childhood dreams. I am scared by your ability to mold your own reality, according to your life plan and perfectionistic wishes. I am admiring you candidly — watching you shine, with my hand on your bony shoulder. I want to capture this moment of triumph and store it away: your erratic breathing somewhere next to my ear, slender fingers clenching my upper arms for dear life. I hear the words that resonate deep inside:

“I can’t do it without you.”

Just a pouting child but I love you.    

 

_You_   
_Touch me_   
_I hear the sound_   
_Of mandolins_

I always knew you _were_ music itself: streaming notes through each pore of your body; the flawless melody of your sharpened blades, even the sound of your laugh and the softest tone of your sobbing appearing to be of no exception. Your velvety voice is washing over me and the desolate shore of my heart is revitalized again. I want to trace your _musical_ lips with my finger — to create a rhythmic pattern of my own, to make an intoxicating cadence of your sighs and moans pierce through me. You seem too far away though…A distant sound or an elusive echo.

I am yearning for your fleeting proximity, dreaming of your touch to cauterize the cut on my bleeding heart.

I swear I shall not be flinching. 

     

_You_   
_Kiss me_   
_With your kiss_   
_My life begins_

The bitterness of my morning coffee is mingling with the sweetness of your vanilla chocolate — tasting you for the first time, pressed hard against the wall, in a suffocating embrace, devoid of air and in a confined space. I want to make the skin that separates us disappear, to let you hear the violent beating of my heart against your ribcage, to let you tear me open if you’d want to… My mind is adrift now and I can only _feel_ : be sucked into your heady closeness, shaken by the way your body is melting into me, without an ounce of pretense — all guards down; dizzying impulses of desire are traveling through our blood vessels, numbing consciences and subduing our wills.

I am born again. My life has been conceived in the womb of your dainty lips.

 

_You're spring to me_   
_All things_   
_To me_

_Haru Yo, Koi…_ You are summoning spring — cherry blossoms to decorate your skin, the greenery of fresh leaves to symbolize a new beginning; the circle of life is bound to be completed once again. My gaze is never leaving your slender body, performing a ritual to celebrate vitality and the birth of hope. You are making me feel alive: the everlasting sense of gratitude, the fireworks exploding beneath my closed eyelids, your dark locks smelling of sugar-coat almonds. I am holding you tight — _too tight_ to let a pinkish petal slip through my fingers.

 I would never let you to, for      

 

_Don't you know you're_   
_Life itself_

I am stuck in your orbit of my own volition — never had another option, to begin with. The very moment your awkward, vulnerable _Jabi_ reached my ears... I could only smile and handle you my heart, not knowing whether you’d accept it or throw it away, without sparing it a second glance. You were in love with a triple axel and I was in love with you — a lanky teenager with bruised knees and a radiant smile; too good to be real, too magnetic to simply pass by.

I remember telling you my name and I am ready to bet that the tiniest of hitches in my breathing hasn’t escaped you. You replied:

“I am Yuzu. It’s nice to meet you too.”

Pronounced with a moving diligence of a school-boy.

I realized I was doomed.  

 

_Like a leaf clings_   
_To the tree_   
_Oh my darling,_   
_Cling to me_

The airliner is gaining height, Toronto cityscape vanishing somewhere far below; miles of distance separating us are growing in number exponentially, as I am getting farther and farther away from you with each passing instant. Perhaps, someday, I’ll hear your voice again, distorted by a cellphone signal, from across the ocean, in the early hours of a Spanish morning. If I could simply reach out and clutch you in my hand, snatching you from the grasp of the rest of the world to place securely next to my aching heart. It is a selfish and an absurd whim of a man in love — nothing more. I can still see your glazed eyes looking at me, rueful and strangely serene at the same time. You didn’t let yourself fall apart before my steadfast gaze; your quiet _goodbye_ was meant to severe an invisible thread existing between the two of our souls…But it just couldn’t.

You haven’t stopped _clinging_ to me and I know that you always will, regardless of the things you might be convincing yourself of.        

_For we're like creatures_   
_Of the wind_   
_Wild is the wind_   
_Wild is the wind_

…Like you are.

…Like the both of us are.

**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
